


Paralyzed

by nnooorraa



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, So much angst, also fluff tho, and the stuck in an elevator trope, idk pls dont kill me, it now has a part 2 can u believe, the break up fic no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-18 21:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11882865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nnooorraa/pseuds/nnooorraa
Summary: He felt nothing. He was nothing. He had given the last bits and pieces he had left of himself to Neil a long time ago and now everything was gone.//The breakup fic literally no one asked for but that I wrote anyway





	1. Andrew

Just like everything else in Andrew’s life he remembered the exact moment it happened. They were lying in bed, his back to the wall as always, Neil in front of him asleep with their cats curled up at their feet. 

The feeling was sudden and brutal, and it completely overwhelmed him. He barely kept grounded as he dug his fingers into the covers, quietly gasping for air. 

They were okay. They had been okay for five years. This wasn’t meant to happen. 

But, it was happening. The feeling was settling inside of him and there was nothing Andrew could do to stop it. 

He managed to act like nothing was wrong for a total of two weeks before it got too much. He didn’t want to feel. He needed it to stop. He needed to escape whatever this was. 

When had he become the rabbit? 

Just like every other morning Neil went on his early run before Andrew woke up. 

Just like every other morning Neil returned home and showered, while Andrew made them and the cats breakfast. 

Just like every other morning they ate together in comfortable silence and Neil asked him a soft yes or no before returning Andrew’s yes with a kiss. 

Just like every other morning they went to their own cars before driving up to their separate teams for the days practice. 

Unlike every other morning Andrew made a u-turn after driving towards work for five minutes to keep up pretences, went home and called in sick. 

It took him the whole day to pack up their- 

It took him the whole day to pack up his and Neil’s stuff. Where did they both even get all this stuff from? 

The cats weren’t happy about being shoved into their travel carriers, but he couldn’t have cared less. They liked Neil better anyway. 

He was done twenty minutes before Neil arrived home. He just sat down in the hallway and patiently waited. 

At the turn of the lock Andrew made sure his expression went completely blank. Neil had gotten annoyingly good at reading even the tiniest expressions and he needed this to be impersonal, practical. 

“Hey, I’m ho-“ Neil stopped. His eyes flicked from the boxes to the meowing travel carriers to Andrew, where they settled. Neil looked exhausted, but it was hidden behind his worry. 

“Andrew?” There were many questions hidden in the simple way Neil said his name. _What is happening? Why is all our stuff in boxes? Where are we going?_ He ignored the feeling roaring in his chest and got up from the floor. 

“Your team will be able to find you housing. I already found mine. You can keep the cats.” He sounded bored. Good. He _was_ bored. 

Neil put the grocery bag down and took a few steps towards him, stopping just out of arm's reach. He was searching Andrew’s face for an answer he wouldn’t find there. 

“Drew?” Andrew clenched his hand into fists to keep from talking or punching someone, something, _anything_. 

Neil took another step forward, making sure to stay out of Andrew’s personal space still. Always so considerate. Andrew’s fist twitched. 

“If you tell me to leave, I’ll go.” Neil was trying to keep a blank face as well, but there was a sliver of hope in his eyes. 

“Go,” Andrew said and watched it shatter, making way for resignation as if Neil had known all along this would happen one day. 

Neil took a step back, and another, and another. He grabbed the travel carriers and went to the door, quietly stopping in the threshold. 

“I will get my things tomorrow,” he said, not turning around. And then he was gone. 

Andrew wanted to drink. He wanted to smoke. He wanted to forget. He wanted Renee. He wanted… _nothing_.

 _The next time one of them says you’re soulless I might have to fight them_. He punched the wall and stared at his bloodied knuckles as he flexed his fingers. Maybe he wasn’t soulless before, but he would be. He didn’t need a soul anyway. 

They ended up in the same apartment complex, because of course they did. 

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. 

He threw himself into Exy at first, but after his coaches put him on temporary leave after he nearly choked one of his teammates he just stayed at home all day. 

He smoked. He ate. He ignored Nicky’s calls. He slept. 

He smoked. He ate. He ignored Bee’s calls. He slept. 

He felt nothing. He was nothing. He had given the last bits and pieces he had left of himself to Neil a long time ago and now everything was gone. 

A month passed by. 

They ran into each other everywhere. 

Every time Andrew saw Neil he felt the world pause for a millisecond before everything continued as normal. 

Neil always looked worse. His hair was disheveled and there were dark circles under his electrifyingly blue eyes. He hadn’t shaved in a while. Andrew took he wasn’t doing laundry either from the growing collection of stains that never disappeared but only ever got added to. 

Andrew felt either all encompassing hate for himself or endless nothingness. He wasn’t sure which he preferred. 

Bee turned up. Andrew drank her chocolate milk. Bee talked. Andrew ignored her. Bee left. 

Andrew nearly crashed into Neil in the hallway. Neil backed away like he was infected mumbling, _sorry, sorry, sorry_ before leaving in the other direction. 

Another month passed by. 

Matt turned up. Andrew opened his door. Matt yelled. Andrew slammed his door in Matt’s face. Matt left. 

There had been hope in Neil’s eyes whenever they made eye contact before, but as time passed it dimmed and got hidden away behind an empty gaze. 

It only made Andrew hate himself more. 

King somehow managed to slip her way into his hallway and was waiting in front of his door when he went out for cigarettes. They stared each other down for a moment before Andrew sighed and plucked her up from the ground. 

Neil lived two floors down. Andrew rang the bell and waited. He knew his schedule. Neil wouldn’t be at practice. He didn’t have a game. He wasn’t on a run. Andrew rang the bell again. 

This time the door opened. Neil was rubbing his eye as if he had just woken up, but as soon as he saw him he looked aware and awake. 

“Andrew?” Hope. Andrew pushed King in his arms. 

“Keep a better eye on your damn cat.” He left. 

Andrew's coaches let him play Exy again. Exy was only moderately less boring than staying at home was so he went. 

Another month passed.

King turned up in his hallway again twice. Andrew let her be this time. She disappeared after a few hours so he figured Neil found her again. Or took her back. 

Bee turned up. Andrew drank her chocolate milk. Bee talked. Andrew ignored her. Bee left. 

There was all encompassing hate, there was endless emptiness and there was this tired feeling that clung to his bones no matter how much he slept. 

Andrew's team won, Andrew's team lost. Neil’s team won and won and won. 

The third time he let King stay. 

Another month passed. 

Aaron showed up. 

His twin was sitting in front of his door, King happily purring in his lap. Aaron unceremoniously shoved her off as he got up and faced Andrew. 

Andrew just moved past him to open the door and went into the kitchen to unload the groceries. 

“Nicky is worried about you,” Aaron said. 

“Okay,” Andrew answered. He knew this already from the twelve voicemails and eighty text his cousin left on his phone every single day since all this had started. 

“Katelyn and I are having a baby.” Andrew looked up at that, but quickly moved his attention back to the cigarette in his palm that he was trying to light again. 

A child had been bound to happen. He thought they would make decent parents, even if he would never tell them that. 

“Okay.” 

“Why did you fuck up with Neil?” 

“I grew bored of him.” Aaron scoffed. 

“Dishonesty doesn’t suit you.” Andrew pushed his cigarette out in the sink and immediately lit another one. 

When had he become a liar? 

“It became an always yes with him.” Aaron opened his mouth a few times, looking stupid as ever. Andrew wanted him to leave. He had his answer. There was nothing-

“Is it still always a yes?” Aaron asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“Yes.” Andrew didn’t even have to think about it. 

It had been building up for weeks, months, years even. With every yes Andrew gave Neil they took an unconscious step forward to it always being a yes. 

it was always a yes. 

Until Andrew would have to tell him no. 

And what then? 

He should have known better.

“Jesus Andrew.” 

“You’ve got your answer. Now leave.” Aaron made a move like he would put up a fight, but then decided against it. Clever. 

Aaron left. King stayed. 

Aaron was back the next day. 

Andrew let him in again, not saying a word. They made dinner, they ate. 

“I hate him. I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone as much as I hate him,” Aaron started as they were downing their ice cream. 

“Okay.” This wasn’t news to Andrew. Aaron made it clear in every interaction he had with Neil. 

“You chose him over me.” The most self destructive decision Andrew had ever made. He didn’t reply. Aaron continued, “You chose him over me. You chose him over Kevin. You love him.” The ice cream bowl only missed his twins head by an inch. Aaron had ducked out of the way just in time. It should have made him leave. Instead he was looking at Andrew with a smirk. 

“You could have left this apartment complex any time in the past few months after you found out he lived here as well. Instead you stayed.” 

“Go away Aaron, before your child doesn’t have a father.” It came out bored as always. Aaron didn’t move, unimpressed by the threat. 

“I hate him, and maybe you do too, but there’s always going to be a part of you that doesn’t and you won’t be able to ignore it forever, no matter how stubborn you are.” Aaron left. Andrew cleaned the broken pieces of the ice cream bowl up when his hands stopped trembling. King fell asleep in his lap as he sat against the wall all night. 

Andrew felt either an all encompassing hatred for himself, or an endless emptiness, or a tiredness that clung to his bones. He felt an ache for something he knew wasn’t meant for people like him. 

Another month passed. 

Renee visited. Andrew sparred with her. Renee didn’t give advice, didn’t ask questions. Andrew would feel grateful if he felt anything. Renee visited Neil. Andrew didn’t. Renee left. 

King was now a permanent residence in Andrew’s house. He even bought her a litter box and dug up some of her toys he had snuck with him even though keeping things for sentimental value wasn’t something Andrew did. 

She was content. He wasn’t. Life went on. 

His team lost and lost and played against Neil’s team.

It was the match that sparked what the media called the Josten-Minyard rivalry. Neil had been trying his best to get balls into the goal. Andrew had been trying his best to keep balls out of the goal. He forgot how beautiful Neil was when he played like this; like he had nothing to lose and everything to gain. _Junkie_.

Andrew’s sub fucked up and cost them the game. They were out for the season. 

Neil’s team won and won and won. They would get to continue a little bit longer. 

All encompassing hatred. Endless emptiness. Tiredness. An ache. Regret he didn’t believe in feeling even though he did. 

They ran into each other in the elevator. Neil was holding a travel carrier with Sir in it. Andrew wasn’t sure who looked more miserable: the cat or the man carrying his plastic prison.

“What’s wrong with him?” Andrew asked. Neil hesitated.

“He has been lethargic for a couple of days. Not eating or playing with his toys, just sleeping. I took him to the vet, but they couldn’t find anything wrong with him apart from some dehydration.” Oh.

“He misses King,” Andrew concluded. 

“Oh.” Neil studied him and then held out the travel carrier. “Take him then.” 

“The cats are yours.”

“Considering King has been with you for the past week I’m going to say she’s yours now,” Neil said. 

“They’re yours. I’ll bring King over as soon-“ The elevator came to a screeching halt and then slipped down two feet. 

Falling, falling, they were falling. 

Except some emergency break kicked in and held the elevator firmly in place. 

He hadn’t even realised he had grabbed Neil until Neil let out a soft, “Andrew.” He let go immediately.

He was teetering on the edge. 

They would fall. Something would go wrong and they would fall. 

Everything was panic. 

“Andrew.” He heard someone say his name, but he couldn’t breathe. He only heard his heartbeat going fast, faster, faster. 

“Hello? Yes, hi. This is Neil Josten. I’m currently stuck in an elevator. Could you send someone over to get us?” Andrew dry heaved onto the carpet. It was a good thing he hadn’t eaten anything yet. 

"The elevator stopped by the fifth floor. We dropped a few feet down, though, so we might be on the fourth floor instead.” He should have taken the stairs. Why hadn’t he taken the stairs? 

“How long? Three hours? Didn’t you hear me when I said the lift dropped a few feet? We need to- Well fuck you, too.” Three hours was too long. 

“Andrew.” No reaction. Neil sat down in front of him so they were at eye level. “You need to breathe.” 

“I… Can’t… I… Need...” Neil nodded and got up. He looked up at the ceiling. There was a hatch, but there was no way either of them would be able to reach it. 

“We could try prying the doors open, but you’ll need to breathe first,” Neil said, practical as always. 

Andrew glared at him. He was trying, but it felt like there was a hand around his throat, a man sitting on his chest. Neil crouched down next to him again and reached out, his hand hovering just a few inches from Andrew’s arm. 

“Yes or no?” _It’s always a yes with you._ Andrew nodded. Neil carefully pried Andrew’s fingers where they were digging in his knees and brought his hand to his neck, to where he could feel Neil’s familiar heartbeat. 

They sat like that for a minute, and then two, and then three. Slowly but surely Andrew’s chest unclenched. He took raspy breaths. Neil never stopped watching him, his heartbeat calm under Andrew’s fingertips. 

Sir was meowing miserably from the travel carrier. 

“You think you can help me open the doors now?” Neil asked when Andrew’s breathing finally levelled out. 

“Yes.” They got up. 

It took a lot of effort, but they managed to pry the doors open. They were exactly in the middle of the fourth and fifth floor, which left them with two options; the fourth floor would be easier, but they would need to somersault through the opening in order not to fall in the hole underneath. The fifth floor was higher up and only just reachable. If the elevator slipped further while they were climbing out they would be dead either way. 

“We could try standing on the travel cage,” Neil offered. 

“And leave the stupid cat to fall to his death?” Neil smiled and Andrew wanted to punch him. Instead he started pulling on one of the doors. Neil pulled on the other. 

After some time they had a decent sized hole they’d be able to slip through. 

Andrew pushed the cat through and then looked at Neil.

“You get through first,” Andrew said. Neil raised an eyebrow at him. “Now, Josten, before I push you through it.” He wanted out, out, out. But, he needed to know Neil was safe first. 

Neil finally pulled himself up on the edge and crawled through the opening. Andrew followed as fast as he could. It took him an embarrassingly long time to catch his breath. Neil was staring at him the whole time. Not coming closer. Not leaving. Not saying a word.

“Staring,” Andrew finally said as he sat up. 

“I miss you,” Neil said. He got up like he hadn’t just tilted Andrew’s world a little bit and put the travel carrier in front of him. 

“Say hi to King from me,” he said, before he walked in the direction of the stairs. 

“105%” Andrew said under his breath. Neil froze and so did Andrew, because fuck he hadn’t meant for that to slip out. 

Neil was problematic and Aaron was right. _Fuck._

Neil continued walking and Andrew now had two cats in his care. 

One week passed

Andrew hesitated on the seventh floor every day, before finally continuing to the ninth. 

There was a knock at 11pm on day seven since the elevator incident. A note was slipped under his door. 

_meet me on the roof in 15 minutes_

He crumpled it in his fist and threw it to the other side of the room. Sir and King went after it immediately. 

The ache won. He grabbed his jacket and his cigarettes and his keys and made his way up to the roof. The door was open and Neil was sitting on the edge. 

Andrew walked up to him with carefully measured steps. Neil looked up at the sound of footsteps.

“You came.” Andrew stopped with less than a feet between them. 

“Yes or no?” he asked. 

“No.” Andrew felt his stomach drop. Hope. He had hoped. He took five carefully measured steps back. 

Self destructive _and_ stupid. A new low. 

“Truth for truth?” Neil asked. 

“Fine.” He had nothing to lose anymore anyway. 

“Why?” Andrew could make it difficult. He could, but it felt like all the bones in his body were being dragged down by tiredness. He had no energy left to be difficult. 

“It became an always yes with you.” Neil was surprised. He tried to hide it, but it was there, clear as day. Neil always wore his emotions on his face. It was unnerving. 

“You didn’t stop me,” Andrew said. He knew now he had wanted Neil to- 

“That’s not a question,” Neil retorted. 

“Why?” 

“People like me don’t get this or whatever this was. It was a miracle it even lasted this long.” It stung. It was familiar. It was idiotic. 

“Don’t be stupid.” Neil studied him. 

“Is it still an always yes with me?” he asked then. Andrew clenched and unclenched his fist. It was, it was, it would always be.

“Yes.” There was a sense of understanding in Neil’s eyes as he looked at him now. 

“Except when it’s a no,” Neil repeated Andrew’s words when he had always-ed him years ago. 

“Except when it’s a no,” Andrew agreed.

Neil took a step forward, away from the edge and towards Andrew. Then another and another, until they were standing with less than a feet between them. 

“You can tell me when it’s a no.” Andrew stared at him. There was no lie. No malicious intent. There was just Neil and Neil had been a truth for a long while now. 

“It’s a yes,” he said. Neil leaned forward carefully, slowly, too damn slow. Andrew met him in the middle. It was like an explosion. It was familiar and electrifying. It was grabbing Neil’s hands and putting them in his hair where they belonged. It was fingers finding the warmth of another person. Fuck, he had missed this so much. 

That night as they were lying in Andrew’s bed, the cats curled up around them and Neil lightly snoring, he felt something else happen. 

The hatred and the emptiness would never leave him completely, but the tiredness was only an echo. The ache was erased by the person lying beside him. He still didn’t believe in regret. 

He stopped being the rabbit.


	2. Neil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A total of two (2) people asked for this horrible thing from Neil's perspective so here you go.

He should have seen it coming. Scratch that. He did see it coming. 

He saw it in the way Andrew couldn't quite look at him during breakfast two weeks before it happened. Neil thought that maybe he had a bad dream. Sometimes it took Andrew a whole day to shake it off. 

A week later he saw it in the way Andrew seemed to detach himself from the cats, never allowing them to sit on his lap anymore. Neil knew that sometimes touch was too much for him, so he blamed it on that.

He saw it in the way Andrew was more on edge than normal, his eyes following every move Neil made whenever they were alone together, even when it was a firm yes. Neil put that on his nightmares and past as well.

He'd been so stupid.

Neil wasn't that perceptive of others moods and emotions and habits, but when it came to Andrew he was aware of every single one of them. 

He'd been wrong. 

He realized that as he stared at Andrew sitting on their floor, surrounded by their things in boxes, their cats meowing in the travel carriers they hated. 

"Andrew?" he asked unsure. 

At first he thought maybe it was a surprise - but Andrew hated surprises and so did Neil, so that couldn't be it. 

Where they going somewhere? They both had work and other responsibilities the next day, so that wouldn't be it either.

Some sick joke then? But from the blank expression on Andrew's face he figured it wasn't. 

Andrew hadn't looked at him like this since Neil's freshman year, when they were near strangers who despised each other. 

Andrew got up. 

"Your team will be able to find you housing. I already found mine. You can keep the cats," he said. He sounded _bored_. Like this was nothing more than a mild inconvenience to him. It wasn't. It couldn't be. 

Had Neil really been that oblivious?

He put the grocery bag down on the floor and took a few steps towards Andrew, stopping just out of arms reach. He didn't want to make any more mistakes. 

"Drew?" He hated how his voice choked on Andrew's name, but he hated the empty look Andrew gave him more. _He was nothing_. 

He took another step forward, waiting for a reaction, any reaction. He made sure to stay out of Andrew's personal space.

Something had gone wrong and Neil couldn't remember what it was. He wanted to stay. He wanted them to be okay. He wanted- He swallowed. 

Andrew had told him to stay after Baltimore. That had been five years ago. Apparently that stay had now expired. He wanted, he wanted, he- 

Just like it hadn't been fair then, it wouldn't be now. 

"If you tell me to leave, I'll go." He didn't say it would kill him, because after all this time it went deeper than that. Andrew had been his lifeline and-

"Go." He was cut off. 

He was aware that his body was taking a step backwards, and another, and another. 

He was aware of his hands reaching for the travel carriers.

He was aware of turning around and pausing in the doorway.

He was aware of hoping, hoping, wanting to beg, but instead saying,"I will get my things tomorrow." 

It didn't seem real until he was dry heaving behind the bush in front of their apartment complex. It didn't seem real and then it was and Neil could barely breathe.

He let out choked up laughter, because of course, _of course_. 

He had known this wasn't for people like him. He had known and he had hoped and he had believed and now it was all over. 

People like him didn't get things like this. He'd been a fool to believe otherwise. 

-

The hotel was crappy, but it was the only one that allowed the cats to stay. 

He had slept in worse conditions. He'd be able to sleep anywhere.

He couldn't sleep without another person in his bed anymore. 

-

Every last trace of Andrew was gone from the apartment when Neil came back. Everything except a dent in the wall where there hadn't been one the night before. 

He hoped Andrew hadn't broken any fingers. He wouldn't be able to play if- 

Neil wondered how long it would take for Andrew to quit Exy now there was no reason for him to play anymore. Kevin would be livid.

He realized he would have to tell the Foxes, because Andrew wouldn't. 

He took one last look at the apartment he didn't want to leave and brought the first of many boxes down to the moving truck. 

When had he started to hoard so much stuff?

-

The apartment complex was nice. So was the apartment itself, but Neil couldn't bring himself to care.

Getting it had been easier than he expected. He called the team office, told them about the situation in only as many details as they needed to hear and he was able to move in that same day.

Andrew had taken the couch, so Neil had to sit on the ground as he stared at the TV Andrew hadn't taken. 

-

He thought he could sleep forever, but he still woke up at the same time every day. 

He was hurting, but he still went on his morning runs.

He could barely eat, but he still ate anyway.

He felt like he was dying, but he still played Exy. 

The cats were content. He wasn't. Life went on.

-

The first time he saw Andrew a part of him hoped he had come back for him. He quickly realized he was wrong as he saw Andrew take his mail from his mailbox and disappear into the elevators. Their eyes met just as the elevator doors closed between them. Neil didn't follow him. 

-

It took Neil two and a half weeks before he finally told someone. He wasn't sure why he told Aaron first of all people, but he did. Aaron was indifferent to the news and hung up on him. 

The next person he called was Bee. He told her it was over and then hung up. 

He ignored the lurch in his chest when he caught sight of the background of his phone. He really should change it. He forgot. 

Aaron talked, or maybe even Bee. If didn't matter how it had happened. Everyone knew within the hour. He ignored them. 

Neil wasn't ready to deal with his own feelings, let alone those of his friends. 

-

He should have thrown himself into Exy. He should have talked to his friends. He should have moved out of the apartment complex.

He only tried hard enough at Exy not to get killed. 

-

Andrew had been the one in charge of laundry when they lived together and the habit of dumping his dirty clothes in the hamper and forgetting about them was a hard one to break. 

Neil wasn't even sure where the washing machines in his apartment complex were. He’d have to find out soon, because even the cats started to avoid him. 

-

Bee turned up. She made them chocolate milk even though Neil didn't drink any. She talked, Neil droned off Exy facts. Bee left, untouched by his coldness. 

-

A week later Neil nearly crashed into Andrew as he was rounding a corner. Andrew looked untouched and when they made eye contact he scoffed. Neil could only get out the word sorry, before he ran back to where he came from. 

-

King missed Andrew. Sir didn't. 

-

Apparently you could only ignore your friends for so long before they came to visit you. 

"You did what?” Dan and Allison yelled in unison. Neil just stared at Matt, who was giving him a sheepish grin.

“I just needed to tell him.” 

“You’re lucky he didn’t punch you,” was all Neil said. 

It was nice having his friends around, but he didn’t need their pitying looks or the way they talked about him behind his back in hushed, worried voices. They tried to support him in their own ways. 

Dan went with him on his morning runs every single day for the week the foxes were in town. It was nice. Dan talked. Neil listened and was distracted enough from the continuous _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew_ in his mind to quiet down for a little while. 

Matt took everyone on trips. They went go-karting (Allison would have had a lucrative pro racing career if she hadn’t gone into fashion), played laser tag (Neil won, Kevin cried, that day wasn’t that bad), went bowling (Neil lost, Kevin gloated), met up with his new team (who fawned over Kevin). Some things distracted him more than others. 

Allison tried to get him to take a spa day with her, but when he told her he’d rather drown - for which he got called a drama queen - she took him shopping instead. She called it retail therapy. It didn’t really work. 

One of them installed Tinder on his phone. He deleted the app as soon as he noticed. There was only one person he lo- There was only one person for him, even if that person didn’t want him in his life. 

Kevin predictably took him to the court for night practices. They went through new drills they both had picked up here and there. It was nice, except for the glaringly empty goal. Their sessions usually focused on Exy and nothing more, but on the last night his friends were in town he couldn't keep his question in anymore.

“You’re leaving tomorrow,” Neil said, while they were stretching in the middle of the court. Kevin nodded and Neil continued, “You haven’t visited Andrew.”

“If I see him I’ll punch him. He’ll punch back harder. I need to be able to play and I can’t play if I’m hurt, so.” Neil blinked at him in surprise. Kevin, who was still terrified about _everything_ , would punch Andrew for _Neil_. 

“He hasn’t stopped playing Exy,” Kevin said. 

“I know that,” Neil said, because he had been waiting for the announcement of Andrew’s early retirement for weeks. It hadn’t come. Kevin flicked him an almost annoyed look. 

“It means he hasn’t given up on you two yet,” he said then. Neil just stared at him. Oh. _Oh_. 

The spark of hope he’d been attempting to extinguish without much success ignited. He swallowed. Hope was dangerous. He’d have to hide it on his face whenever he saw Andrew. 

Matt, Dan, Allison and Kevin left. Neil was alone with the cats again. He was a little more okay after that. 

-

King was gone. 

He must not have been paying attention as he’d left the house earlier that day. She must have slipped out. 

He searched every inch of his apartment and then of the apartment complex. 

King was gone and he didn’t know what to do. 

He called Nicky. 

“Maybe she went looking for Andrew,” Nicky said. Neil checked the ninth floor again. She wasn’t there. 

Nicky suggested for Neil to call the animal shelters nearby. She wasn’t there either. 

He was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch, trying to find more numbers to call on his laptop. 

He woke up some time later when the doorbell rang. He wanted to ignore it, but then it went off again and he remembered King was gone. Maybe someone had found her. 

He wasn’t expecting Andrew to be the one to bring her back home. 

“Andrew?” He tried to keep his voice as even as possible. They hadn’t been standing this close to each other in months. Andrew seemed to realise this as well as he held out the struggling cat in his arms, and pushed her in Neil’s instead. 

“Keep a better eye on your damn cat,” Andrew said. He left and Neil was left blinking at empty space. 

-

King “escaped" two more times. Andrew didn’t turn up, so Neil found her on the ninth floor and brought her back home. 

-

Bee turned up again. She brought chocolate milk with her again. Neil declined it again. Bee talked again. Neil asked her about how Andrew was doing. She didn’t say a lot, but it was enough. Bee left him with a lot to think about.

\- 

King escaped again. This time it actually was an accident. When Neil couldn’t find her anywhere he figured she’d finally managed to coax Andrew in letting her stay. She was patiently waiting in front of Neil’s door two days later, looking content as ever. 

\- 

Aaron showed up. He looked as uncomfortable as Neil felt. 

"Katelyn is pregnant and for some godforsaken reason she wants the two of you to be the baby's godparents. I sadly can’t change her mind, so fix this shit with my brother before she gives birth." Before Neil could reply Aaron turned around and marched off.

King took the opportunity and slipped out of the apartment. Neil just watched her leave after Aaron, the second Minyard in two weeks to leave him blinking at empty space. 

He wondered how Andrew would take the news. 

\- 

Neil missed him so much that sometimes it felt like his legs would give out on him. 

It was like a constant buzz under his skin that made him chain-smoke six cigarettes in one go, made him lash out to his teammates, made it hard for him to fall asleep. 

He missed Andrew’s solidness and the way he could carry whatever Neil threw at him without batting an eyelash. 

He missed being able to discover a new side to Andrew, like that time he found out Andrew read to kids at the library sometimes, or how he’d talk about his day to the cats when he thought Neil wasn’t paying attention. 

He missed Andrew’s hands on his skin, his own lost in Andrew’s hair or other places where they were allowed. 

It had been months, but the feeling of missing him hadn’t subsided and Neil didn’t think it ever would. 

-

Renee arrived on his doorstep a few weeks later. She was sporting a fresh bruise on her jawline, but other than that she looked as cheerful as ever. 

She hugged him and they had lunch together. 

“How is he?” Neil asked, after they’d talked about pretty much everything else there was to talk about. Renee gave him a careful smile. 

“You should ask him that yourself,” she said. 

“Okay.” He wouldn’t. 

Whenever they ran into each other Andrew gave him a look so full of loathing Neil had to use every ounce of self control he had to stop himself from flinching. He wasn’t going to push himself onto Andrew when it was so obvious he didn’t want Neil to. 

Renee hugged him again and then left. 

-

Neil’s team was on a winning streak, which was a great contrast to Andrew’s team which kept losing every match they played. 

From watching the games Neil concluded it was the fault of their coaches. The team’s starting line was excellent, and that was exactly the problem. They offered up their best players on a silver platter and then pulled them too quickly, to replace them with subs that were less skilful. This included Andrew.

When Andrew was in the goal he didn’t let a shot through, but after only fifteen minutes of playing time he got pulled and replaced by one of his three subs. They were still good, of course. This was the pros, there were no objectively terrible players except for a few rookies here and there. The issue was that they weren’t as skilled as Andrew was and it showed. 

There was a game where within fifteen seconds of Andrew getting pulled the other team scored. Neil wondered how incompetent those coaches had to be not to realise their mistakes. This wasn’t the little leagues, where everyone got a turn. They needed to get their act together. 

Kevin agreed with him. 

It figured they would change tactics when they played Neil’s team. Andrew shut down the goal against Neil. They started with both their teams clashing against each other, but in the end it boiled down to the two of them.

It was almost like freshman year when Neil had blown his arms out, trying to score on Andrew. The difference was that Neil actually knew what he was doing now and got a few goals through the near impenetrable barrier Andrew formed. 

Old habits died hard, though. The coaches pulled Andrew and replaced him with a guy who was almost laughably below class. 

Neil’s team won. Andrew’s team was out of the championship. 

\- 

Sir got sick. King was still with Andrew, which Neil was grateful for, because he wasn’t sure if it was infectious. 

The cat completely stopped eating from one day to the next. He didn’t want to play, he stopped meowing back when Neil talked to him and he barely got up from his spot on the couch for long enough to use the litter box, only to return to the exact same spot in the exact same position. 

Neil was worried and called Nicky, who advised him to take Sir to the vet. 

They kept Sir overnight, while they ran some tests. 

When Neil came to pick him up in the morning the vet told him that apart from some mild dehydration they couldn’t find anything physically wrong with him. 

Neil took Sir and went home. 

Andrew was in the elevator, but Neil was too exhausted to take the stairs with a miserable cat in a travel carrier, so instead he stepped in. 

Andrew flicked a curious glance at Sir. “What’s wrong with him?” Neil hesitated. 

“He hasn’t been eating and has been lethargic for a couple of days. I took him to the vet, but they couldn’t find anything wrong with him apart from some dehydration.” Something like a realisation flickered over Andrew’s face. 

“He misses King,” he said. 

“Oh.” Neil studied him and then held out the travel carrier. “Take him then.” Andrew gave him the same look he’d given him when Neil had tried to make him drink Kale smoothies that one time.

“The cats are yours.”

“Considering King has been with you for the past week I’m going to say she’s yours now,” Neil retorted. Andrew huffed. 

“They’re yours. I’ll bring King over as soon-“ He didn’t get much further than that, because at that moment the elevator came to a screeching halt before sliding down a foot or two. Neil would have fallen if Andrew hadn’t grabbed him so fast. 

Andrew was white with panic, frozen in place even though it seemed like the emergency brake had kicked in and they were relatively safe now. 

“Andrew,” Neil said softly. Andrew immediately let go, as if he’d burned himself on Neil. Neil ignored the pang in his chest at that, instead focusing on Andrew who looked more panicked than Neil had ever seen him. 

“Andrew,” Neil repeated. Apart from some panicked breathing he didn’t get much reaction. Andrew was unraveling and Neil really needed to get him out of that elevator. 

There was an emergency number above the elevator buttons. He dialled it and waited. 

As soon as someone on the other side picked up he started talking, “Hello?” He got some vague hello back and continued, "Yes, hi. This is Neil Josten. I’m currently stuck in an elevator. Could you send someone over to get us?” Andrew dry heaved on the carpet. 

“Hello sir, could you please tell me what happened so I can send the appropriate services?” the man on the other side repeated in a bored tone. 

"The elevator stopped by the fifth floor. We dropped a few feet down, though, so we might be on the fourth floor instead.”

“I see. That is very unfortunate. Let me check the waiting period for one of our repairmen to arrive at your location.” There was a brief pause and then, "Ah yes, it will be three hours.” A quick look at Andrew told Neil they didn’t have three hours. 

"How long? Three hours? Didn’t you hear me when I said the lift dropped a few feet? We need to-“

“I’m very sorry sir, there is nothing I can do. You will just have to wait.“ 

"Well fuck you, too,” Neil said and hung up. Andrew was hyperventilating now, his arms around his legs, his forehead leaning against his knees. 

“Andrew.” No reaction. Neil sat down in front of him so they were at eye level. “You need to breathe.”

“I… Can’t… I… Need...” Neil nodded and got up. Andrew needed an out before he could calm down. 

Neil looked up at the ceiling. There was a hatch, but there was no way either of them would be able to reach it. Where was Kevin when you needed him. 

The next option were the doors. He’d need help with those.

“We could try prying the doors open, but you’ll need to breathe for that first,” he told Andrew, who glared at him. He still wasn’t breathing right. Neil crouched down next to him again and reached out, his hand hovering just a few inches from Andrew’s arm. 

“Yes or no?” Something conflicting showed up on his face, but Andrew still nodded. Neil carefully pried Andrew's fingers away from where they were digging into his knees and brought his hand to his neck to where he knew Andrew could feel his steady heartbeat. 

It took a few minutes, but it worked. Slowly, but surely Andrew’s breathing evened out. 

“You think you can help me open the doors now?” Neil asked when he was certain Andrew wouldn’t slip back into the panic attack. At Andrew’s yes they got to work. 

Together they managed to pry the doors open. They were exactly in the middle of the fourth and fifth floor. Trying to get through the door of the fourth floor would be to dangerous, which left them with the fifth floor door. They would be able to open it, but because it was so high up it’d be difficult. 

“We could try standing on the travel cage,” Neil suggested. 

“And leave the stupid cat to fall to his death?” Neil couldn’t hide his smile and Andrew looked like he wanted to punch him. Instead Andrew shoved their howling cat through the opening. 

“You get through first,” Andrew said then. Neil raised an eyebrow at him. “Now, Josten, before I push you through it.”

He pulled himself onto the edge, shoving Sir a bit further back so he could lift his whole body onto the floor. Andrew followed him as fast as he could and stayed down on the floor as he tried to catch his breath. Neil couldn’t help but stare. 

“Staring,” Andrew said as he finally sat up. Some of the color was making its way back on his cheeks. 

“I miss you.” The words slipped out of Neil’s mouth before he could stop them, but he meant them. Before Andrew could react Neil got up and put the travel carrier in front of him, only briefly taking noting Andrew’s blank expression. 

“Say hi to King from me,” Neil said, before he walked in the direction of the stairs. 

“105%” It had been soft, but it had been there. Neil froze, the little flame of hope in his chest grew. He needed to keep moving, because otherwise he’d do something stupid. He didn’t let the smile appear on his face until he reached the staircase. 

-

The apartment was so empty without the cats there Neil tried to avoid it as much as possible. He focused on Exy and spent most of his time at court instead. His team needed to win two more times before they reached finals. 

There were no more run ins with Andrew, as Neil made odd hours. It was okay. He needed time to think anyway. 

Neil wanted, wanted, wanted…

He wanted answers. He wanted to know why and how and when. 

He wanted his life back to how it was before. When they were okay, when their cats were content, when they had a routine. 

He wanted Andrew. 

Nothing was quite as black and white as he thought it had been. 

-

It was seven days after the elevator incident when Neil finally caved. He wrote Andrew a note, slipped it under his door and went up to the roof. 

“You came,” Neil said as soon as he heard Andrew’s footsteps on the concrete floor. Andrew went straight for him, stopping less than a feet away. 

“Yes or no?” Yes, yes, oh god _yes_. 

“No.” There was a flash of… something and then it was gone. Andrew moved back so there was more distance between them. Neil regretted his no instantly, craving Andrew closer, closer, closer. But, he needed answers first. He needed to know. 

“Truth for truth?” Neil asked. 

“Fine.” 

“Why?” 

“It became an always yes with you.” It felt like getting the wind knocked out of him by the swing of an Exy racket all over again. 

“You didn’t stop me,” Andrew said through clenched teeth. 

“That’s not a question,” Neil said, because it wasn’t and he needed Andrew to ask. 

“Why?” 

“People like me don’t get this- or whatever this was. It was a miracle it even lasted this long.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue, but they were true. Weren’t they? 

“Don’t be stupid.” Andrew was glaring at him, but he wasn’t moving. He wouldn’t leave. 

“Is it still an always yes with me?” Neil asked. He watched as Andrew clenched and unclenched his fist, an internal war raging behind a carefully kept blank expression.

“Yes.” This explained _everything_. Andrew had been scared. Andrew had run. The irony wasn’t lost on Neil. 

Something else dawned on Neil then and he said, “Except when it’s a no.” 

“Except when it’s a no,” Andrew repeated. Neil wanted to reach out, so he did. He moved closer, step by step until they were standing less than a feet apart again. 

“You can tell me when it’s a no,” Neil said. Andrew searched his face for something he wouldn’t find. Neil meant it. He would always mean it. He’d take every single part Andrew was willing to give him of himself, and if Andrew had to take some parts back sometimes Neil would let him without question. 

As soon as the words, “It’s a yes,” left Andrew’s lips Neil leaned in. Andrew met him in the middle. 

Neil was home. 

-

It wasn’t until a month later that Neil remembered Aaron’s visit.

“I can’t believe I missed your reaction to Aaron telling you Katelyn wants us to be their kid’s godparents,” he complained to Andrew as they were standing in the kitchen, each making their own breakfast. 

It went completely quiet and then, “What?” Neil looked up to find Andrew frozen in shock. 

“He didn’t tell you,” Neil concluded. No reaction. “He visited me a couple of months ago. He told me to fix this, because Katelyn wanted us to be their child's godparents and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” 

Andrew’s expression went dangerously blank. Neil just continued drinking his smoothie. This wasn’t his problem and if Aaron hadn’t been such a jerk to him Neil would have pitied him. As it were he was happy watching this unfold from the sidelines. 

\- 

It was a girl. They called her Charlotte, after Katelyn’s great grandma. 

Andrew took one look at her and vowed to protect her for as long as he lived.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on [tumblr](http://thatpretentiousdesignstudent.tumblr.com)


End file.
